i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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