Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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