I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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