Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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