i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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