you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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