i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
