my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my poor anus
The struggles of a small town man whore
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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