let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So squirting runs in the family.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
