Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
