He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
