my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
