so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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