I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I looked at my own cervix.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
