That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
