I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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