I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
