Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
As shirtless as possible
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
