I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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