her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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