Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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