Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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