working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
