I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
