i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
