What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
as a side note pls kill me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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