Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
