and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I pour the whiskey from now on
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
