apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
