I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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