so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will be naked everywhere
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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