I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
