If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
