Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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