Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
