Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
