I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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