I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
