if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
