I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
not ubering you a puppy
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
