OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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