My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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