hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
