This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You can't motorboat a personality
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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