Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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