You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
