sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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