Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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