Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
