i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
