MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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