The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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