if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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