Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize