for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
