Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My breasts were aching with rage.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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