Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
