A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I smell like Dick and happiness
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