I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
