she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize