did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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