Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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