there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
