from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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