I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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