bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
