I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
