PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
