Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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