Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's blow job season.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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