no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
