Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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