I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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