i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
