I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
