I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
