What a fucking waste of an outfit
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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