Apparently you make a good broom.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
