we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You left your phone here
Wait...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
