Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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