he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
