I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just cut my nipple shaving
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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