I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
