is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
