he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
