Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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