You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
