She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
