she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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